***How to make Love***

How do YOU make Love?

So when you clicked on my opinion, and you saw that I planned to broach this particular subject, what was the motivator for you choosing this one first? And before you read my opinion, in your own opinion, how do YOU make love?
How is love made?
Is it something that occurs in the dark?
In the wee hours of the morn?
Maybe in the crashing waves along the beach?
Or maybe outside in the midst of a raging thunder storm, for all the heavens to see?

Of course there are some people, who excel at making love. They excel because they've had the best instructors. The best example. They saw making love in action, being played out for them everyday of their lives. So when it came to their turn to make love, they knew exactly what to do. It came to them naturally. For some however, that's not the case. Some of us have to be told after repeated failures of trying to make love, how it is to be performed. Some read books. From Romance novels to How to's. Others enlist Doctors for their certifiable, licensed, confidential advice. Let us not forget the vast collections of video tape! Every form, fashion and method on the face of the earth has been tried to execute and per-fect the art of making love.

Here I am, about to give my opinion on "How to Make Love" when it took me many years of my life to come close to this art, making love, and that action reciprocated to me. How can this be? After all, I have three children and a grandson, right? Somebody was making something. Yes, well, we were attempting to, but to the true sense of the word, the absolute intensity of it, many ingredients were missing, many errors were made, untold emotional trauma, so much of which could have been avoided, if we'd only been shown how. If only the examples of this wondrous action had been demonstrated to us in our lives.

What so many need to realize is this, it takes more than a man and woman to make love. Heterosexually speaking. It takes time. Example. The complete knowledge and love of one's self. A filling to the brim of ones own needs aside from another added human. Such as, the balanced, healthy, whole love devoted to one from parents. Father and Mother.

For the male. He absolutely needs to see his father love his mother. He needs to see this in his voice when speaking to her. Whether in everyday communication. In discussion of household maintenance. In subtle hidden messages that only she knows the code to. He needs to see it in his eyes. In his touch. In his laughter. And in his consoling her, when she is in times of stress. In his sharing with her. He needs to see it in his every day determination despite the odds, to care for his family through hard work and planning. He needs to see, despite his father's exhaustion, the love that makes him greet his wife in gladness. Enquire of his children and their needs. Whether a talk before dinner, help with the home work, or a game after dinner. The watching of a movie, he's not interested in, but does so anyway because his family is interested. He must learn to endure love, to stick it out no matter what the struggle. He must see his father do this, set the example, day in and day out of his developing life. This young man, by his father's example is learning how to make love.

What of a young woman? What in her world teaches her to make love? The example. Viewing it. Living it. Experiencing it. Receiving it. The gentle touch of her mother's smile. Exhibiting peace and tranquillity. The joy in her voice. To hear her singing. To watch her plan, organize, arrange and prepare her home for a family she loves. To see her set goals of accomplishment, whether the goals are personal or for strengthening the structure of her family ties. Viewing the care she gives herself, never for a moment neglecting the idea that she represents her husband, a compliment to him. To her family. Whether that care be to her outer appearance, or to the person she is within. Thirsting always for knowledge, wisdom and guidance. Humbly accepting and administering to the spiritual needs of her family. Concerned that they be well rounded and balanced. Injecting morals, conscious and discipline. Displaying for her daughter the etiquette acceptable in the social world her life will take her to.

Never for once sacrificing the awareness of the needed hug, squeeze, kiss, consoling caress and sense of humor in laughter, or at play. The compromising of a clean and healthy environment does she ever neglect. Setting this in the minds of her daughter(s). Along with instruction on the care for themselves. The example, the example, the example. I repeat it for emphasis because it is not what we humans are told that teaches us, but what we see. What the eyes behold, and draw into the brain, what we hear, when no one thinks we're listening, this is what sets and hardens, to be stored in the neuron center to be replayed at will later on, when it is time for this one to make love. This one, who will watch her father with his wife, and smile. Who not only longs for his attention and love, but gets it tenfold. Building within her a strong character of confidence and assurance. Self-esteem that will later make her refuse to settle for less than her eyes, her life, her experience in love has shown her. As her mother showed. She will fill her mind with all the wonders and beauties of this world. She will learn and discern the dangers, remembering the guidelines, limits and structures. She'll begin to understand the discipline, and know that it was needed, know that it was love.

What is so sad, is that there are thousands of young girls in the world, with absolutely no idea as to what love is, or how to make it. Primarily, because the examples they have been exposed to were themselves distorted. So now this will be passed on to each ones daughter, who will also misinterpret distorted versions, for the real thing. The Real thing, something everyone has heard of, but so few find. I remember a show that Oprah Winfrey once had on this particular topic, and a very important point was brought out about "LOVE"...that point was, that love is not just a feeling. But an action. A demonstration. Real love is the motivation for only positive, up building and unselfish acts. At the same time, it is not anxious or insecure. Desperate to be proven by sacrificing ones own dignity or self-respect. In other words, in having real love for yourself first, respect yourself first. Then also expect and demand respect from others or the perspective selection, making sure to conduct yourself in a manner that is deserving or worthy of the respect. Yes, it's true, I am aiming at the feminine gender, because I believe we are in the greater struggle when it comes to stumbling in the dark for love.

This is not to say, that there aren't men out there who have the tendency to also fall in love based upon sight, instead of knowledge. But it is strongly my opinion that you cannot possibly love someone you don't know. Compatibility, compassion, temperament, ambition, humor, endurance, sacrifice and compromise. So many other ingredients as well as the above mentioned are vital to making real love. Most women, will select a man that closely emulates their father. Sad to say again, that may not be good depending upon the father type. So once again, it goes back to the man. What example are you setting for your daughters as to the type of man you want them to end up with? Six out of ten women will marry a man just like their father. Forgive me for repeating it, but father's look at yourself. Really look. Do you want your daughter with someone like you?

That is if you are honest enough with yourself as to whether or not, you are,

• Loving or abusive?

• Considerate, or controlling?

• Trusting, or obsessive?

• Giving, or demanding?

• Respected, or feared?

• Selfless, or selfish?

• Ambitious, or lazy?

• Reasonable, or quick tempered?

• Just, or unfairly punishing?

• Positive, or negative?

• Compassionately Sensitive, or cruel?

• Encouraging, or demeaning?

• A Builder or Character, or A destroyer of dreams?

Do you Praise and Bolster for Success, or do you condemn one to failure? The type of man before a daughter, is the type of man that will be chosen to procreate. Patterns are being set. Wrong examples are being followed. The world is filled to the brim with people who have no idea how to make love. So, now, when the time comes, and you think you are now ready to make love. First give some serious consideration to a few things. Things that I think are important, at least to me and what life has taught me, learning it the hard way.

If you're a man. Who was your role model? Hopefully someone consisting of one or more, or all of these manifested character traits.

• A present balanced father. Whom you consider your best friend. Him being your best friend is a good indication of the type of father he was to you. Or a stepfather, of the same above criteria.

• Accurate knowledge and a strong belief in the Bible, with a willingness to follow and apply.

• A good education. Which should consist of one or more or all of these important factors.

• School taught, or Life taught. A man of integrity, honesty, loyalty, priority, responsible, dependable, and well respected.

• Someone with a strong work ethic and pride in what his hands accomplishes as his noted and praised skill. Whatever that maybe, as long as he feels good about himself and his contribution. I would never down play education, but there are EDUCATED FOOLS EVERYWHERE!!! A degree doesn't necessarily make a man a real man. My grandfather could not read, nor write. And at 5'5... he stood tall among men and the community he worked in. Henry Hunter, my black/Cherokee Indian grandfather was called upon by many, because whatever he did, he did with an excellence and skill that was unmatchable...BECAUSE HE CARED, about his name, reputation and the completion of tasks that he left, beheld his signature, though he could not write!

• You need time to develop yourself. Whether that be in - Travel / exploratory time. Career establishing time. Time to know yourself, your needs. Time to gather accurate knowledge of the bible and the GOD that made you. And the time, when you'll know...it's time to share.

If you're a woman.

• A role model. Consisting of all the above with the man. You just need a female role model.

• A good education. Consisting of all the above. Whether your choice is to be a house wife right away or not. However let me say this with as much strong insistence as I can...Nothing, and I do believe with all of my heart and soul - nothing, is more important for a woman to be, than a strong & present housewife and mother! THAT'S MY OPINION!!!

• Time to develop yourself. Consisting of all the above. Take the time you need to develop who and what you are to you. Your family. Your friends. Your Creator. Because you will need them all. Especially if you choose the most important and challenging career of them all. Raising a happy, healthy, strong, and binding family.

In conclusion. Despite what so many thought this particular piece entailed. It's all about more than many ever bargained for. Few have been so fortunate up to this day and age, to really have experienced the actual privilege of making love. The real thing, is what I'm speaking of. And because so many of us are off track, fewer and fewer are experiencing it. We, the human race, have fallen far from the expectancy of our creator when it comes to making love. So many mistaken the term for having intercourse. True enough, even sexual intercourse has a place when it comes to making love. Believe me when I say. That if you have the privilege of being raised in a home, where the father and the mother set the example and worked hard at making love for themselves within their home and for their children, (best done with the assistance of the CREATOR). And have also seen to it, that within yourself, you have set the goal of making love within you. By the time, you find the right person to share this with, making love that is, oh how much more it will truly mean, when you finally add, that soul shaking, gratifying, gift from GOD to all (Married persons)...Sexual intercourse. As far as I'm concerned, that, should be the last - to be added.

As I've said before, you can really think on the topic written here. Seriously considering it for the bettering or adjusting of your present life, or for the young ones who need to know. Or, you can just dismiss it....after all, this is my webpage, and this was once again, just............My opinion.

Copyright©1999 Mercedes Keye